In the land of sex, you name it, and it probably exists – everything from vanilla cuddling to things involving saddles, motor oil, and jumper cables.
And today we’re going to look at the latter end of the spectrum – extreme sex toys!
So, if you’ve barely held a vibrator, hold onto your seat and stomach; but if you’re a freaky veteran, pull out your notepad and get ready for some new ideas!
NSFW IMAGE WARNING. Duh.
#1. ANAL SPREADERS
Sometimes labeled as speculums or retractors, these spreader toys are meant to open orifices to allow for easier insertion of sex toys, BDSM torture, fetish probing, or various kinds of medical role play.
Oh, and before you go thinking that you would never ever use something like this … think again.
Nearly all women with access to medical care know that lovely “duck-billed plastic tool” that the gynecologist sticks into us before scraping our insides with a giant Q-tip. Also, when men get older, you can bet your doctor will eventually use something like this in your butt.
Welcome to the club.
#2. BALL PRESS-CHAMBER
CBT (aka Cock and Ball Torture) is fairly common in some BDSM circles – whether for pleasure, role play, or sub punishments etc.
This particular example has a removable ring that you put around the scrotum and slowly turn the handle to press the testicles in the metal chamber. There are other variations, including rings with spikes inside, flat panels that can press either the balls and/or the penis etc.
NOTE: Don’t confuse toys that compress vs ones that stretch.
#3. BALL STRETCHERS
While we’re on the topic of CBT, let’s look at the other example I just mentioned … stretchers.
This one is a simple ring and loops so you can add different weights, but others can be leather straps, molded silicone rings, or thin rings that you add one by one to build up to the stretch you want.
Ladies, the next time your man complains about your period cramps, make him wear one of these for the next 4-5 days.
#4. ELECTRO-SEX CLAMPS
If any of you suffer from bad back pain, your doctor might have prescribed or suggested an e-stim machine – which is basically a device that sends an electric current to sticky pads that you put on your body, which, in turn, make your muscles contract and release.
And, since we’ve already seen that most medical devices can be adapted for the sex toy industry … it should be a surprise to see e-stim clamps that can shock your lower lady lips.
#5. ELECTRO-STIM CHASTITY CAGE
Female counterpart of the addictive male chastity cages. Take the same ideas as the labia clamps, but adapt it to a male chastity belt (aka cock cage). This toy is different than many I’ve seen because it has voice control, patterns, power settings that go from 0 to 99, and a power box that lets you control two e-toys at once.
PERSONAL NOTE: My friend used her E-stim machine on my back … it was weird. Not bad… just weird, but I can see how some people might like it.
#6. REAL DOLLS
Compared to some of the toys we’ve looked at so far, a sex doll might seem rather tame. However, if you take a closer look, you’ll see why it deserves a place on the list.
First, is the inner structure is made of an adjustable metal frame, which means you can bend your doll in all sort of positions. Second, the silicone skin is as close to skin-soft as you can get (while staying in the “affordable” range).
And third …the customization.
You can choose from dozens of faces, body types, skin colors, eye colors, hairstyles, makeup options, pubic hair styles, genital models, and more – and yes, they also have many boy-toy choices as well. There are also off-menu options – basically, anything you kink brain can come up with.
Why else is this such an extreme toy? The price.
Even with sticking to a bare-bones model, plan to spend THOUSANDS of dollars
#7. MASSIVE DILDOS
After all these toys, I bet you thought a dildo was going to be a nice break?
Well, forget it.
Because this elephant-sized anal dildo isn’t fucking around. It’s 14 inches long, with 13 insertable, and the largest bulb is over 5 inches in diameter. Granted, you’ll be able to find longer toys and wider ones, but this combines both worlds. Even the seller comments about “sitting on it and reaching your stomach”.
This is, to say the least, a challenging toy – even for anal stretching enthusiasts. These may not be the robotic dildos famous online, but God this hurts so bad!
#8. URETHRA SOUNDS
I just need five words to describe this toy…
Metal. Rod. Up. The. Dick.
Nope, this isn’t a joke (you’ve heard of a catheter after all).
However, while many of these kinky stainless-steel rods are pencil-thin, this set has 16 different widths (with each rod being two different widths at each end). The biggest one comes in at a whopping 11.30 mm or .445 inches in diameter.
We might cringe at the idea, but you have to at least appreciate the variety vs affordable price tag.
#9. FUNNEL GIMP MASK
For those of you who don’t know what a gimp mask is, it’s a mask worn to dehumanize a person, aid in sensory play, or simply hide someone’s face.
As far as BDSM accessories go, it’s not that hardcore … until you start getting into breath play or water sports.
What are water sports you ask?
Pee. You pee on people.
And this mask has a handy-dandy funnel that leads right to the mouth. There are also versions that have a “urinal” at the front.
#10. AN UNEXPECT LUBE
This might not be a sex toy, but lube is a necessary addition to any sexual practice … and this one is available at your local grocery store or granny’s pantry.
How is it used?
Since the anal cavity doesn’t self-lubricate like the vagina, it’s important to use a lube that won’t dry up and is extra slippery. That’s why you see some products designated as “anal sex lube”. Some player’s, however, swear that Crisco shortening is some of the best stuff you can get your hands on. Just don’t put it in your vagina … unless you want an infection.
MY OPINION: You should probably ask your doctor if this stuff is safe. At a minimum, it’s not compatible with condoms.
A NOTE ON SAFETY
- Medical-grade stainless steel is the best/only good material choice for many of these toys, next would be silicone
- Make sure you clean all nooks and crannies carefully and thoroughly
- Sanitize after each use, no exceptions
- Make sure any locks and screws will hold in place firmly but still be easy to adjust
- Sexual E-STIM play should never be done above the waist (it gets too close to the heart)
- It also goes without saying that all extreme sex acts/toys shouldn’t be tried/used by beginners or the inexperienced
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So, if someone paid you a million dollars, which of these would you try? Minus the “tame” Crisco, of course. Share in the comments!